If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
