I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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