Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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