I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
