Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
