We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
