When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
