respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
