he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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