If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
