Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
