Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
