I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
