do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
