he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
