you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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