i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
