OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
These tits shall not be calmed
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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