I wish I only lived at night.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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