It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
