she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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