I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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