We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
