So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
