I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
