Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
