just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
