i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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