No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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