My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
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I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
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Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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