you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
