Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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