he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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