I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
