Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
