Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
