Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
