just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
