I can't breathe out the right side of my face
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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