I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
