I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
