i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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