I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
