Don't make out with my wife yet
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I need to align my fucking chakras
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
