seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
no you cant smoke seaweed
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
