It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
