why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
