I bet he comes in French.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
