we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
