a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
