dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
