and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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