The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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