Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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