Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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