the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
