Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
