i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
