i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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