He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
