2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I need to sanitize my soul.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
