So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
