I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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