Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I need a burrito and a hug.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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