: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
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the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
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When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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