Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
