A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
